


I’m Not Alone It’s Good To Know

by smallsmilliman97



Category: Stargirl (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I love him, Rick is an angsty boy, ace!Rick, let Rick and Artemis bond!!!, there was a lot of projecting done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25830196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallsmilliman97/pseuds/smallsmilliman97
Summary: “She wants you so bad!” Yolanda poked Rick’s cheek. He turned a bright shade of red, burying his face in his chest.Yolanda made some comments about Beth and Rick and it sends Rick into a thought spiral.
Relationships: Rick Tyler & Artemis Crock, rick tyler/beth chapel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	I’m Not Alone It’s Good To Know

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my girls in the Hournite discord! I really wanted to write something about Rick being an angsty asexual. This is about 99% projecting myself onto him. But oh well. Pry ace!Rick out of my cold dead hands.
> 
> Title comes from the second best Elton John song ever, Hello Hello.

Rick Tyler stared at the back of Beth Chapel’s head. She was laughing at something Courtney had said, and Rick felt his heart flutter in his chest. The feeling continued until the bell rang, at which point he snatched his bag off the ground and ran out the door.

“Rick! Wait up!” He heard her shout. He pulled his bag farther up his shoulder as he slowed to a stop then turned to look at her face. Her wide grin brought the fluttering back to his chest. He felt the air get sucked out of his lungs as she touched his arm.

“Are you still coming over to study tonight?” She spoke as she pulled her hand away. Rick’s mouth went dry, of course he wanted to spend time with Beth, Friday nights were their nights. But after what Yolanda had told him during lunch, he didn’t know what to do.

“Of,” he stopped to clear his throat, “of course! I just, uhhh…” he looked down at his feet.

“I have, uh, something I have to do first, so I’ll be there in about an hour.” He looked up at her through his eye lashes, noticing Beth’s face fall. When their eyes met, though, Beth attempted to put on a bright smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Rick kicked himself for doing this to her, but he honestly didn’t know what to do.

“Okay, I’ll see you then!” Beth gripped her back pack straps, sadly walking in the direction of the buses. Rick watched her as she walked away, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He closed his eyes, frustrated with himself, before turning and punching the locker. He sighed leaning his back up against it and looked up at the ceiling. Why did Yolanda have to say something? If she hadn’t said anything Rick wouldn’t have been sitting here, overthinking everything.

“She wants you so bad!” Yolanda poked Rick’s cheek. He turned a bright shade of red, burying his face in his chest. 

Rick liked Beth, a lot. Scratch that, he loved her. And he couldn’t lie that every time he saw her his heart did a little dance in his chest. But he also knew he was broken, and if Beth knew she wouldn’t want him. He tried to look Yolanda in the eye, but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

“Uh-huh, sure.” He hoped he spoke in a nonchalante tone, when he caught sight of Yolanda’s face, he breathed a sigh of relief, because it was clear she bought it.

“She soooo does! And look at your face, you definitely want her too!” Yolanda shook his arm, a wide grin on her face. Rick gave her a tight smile, subtly pulling his arm out of his friend’s grip. 

Rick almost told her right then. He’d only ever told one person before, and the reaction had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t really want to go through it again. So he kept his mouth shut. Because Yolanda wasn’t exactly wrong, Rick did want Beth, he wanted Beth so badly sometimes he would feel this aching in his chest. But the kind of want he felt was not the same he knew Yolanda was talking about. His wants were made up of late nights talking on the phone until one of them fell asleep. Driving down the highway with her with the windows down, while she sang along to some song playing on the radio. Sitting on his roof at night and watching the stars, hands intertwined. But that wasn’t normal, and he knew that. He was seventeen, his thoughts were supposed to be consumed by the normal things teenage boys wanted. But Rick learned a long time ago that he wasn’t normal, and he never would be. And he didn’t want to put any person through that. He definitely couldn’t put Beth through that.

“Rick!” His thoughts were interrupted by Yolanda’s fingers snapping in his face. He blinked rapidly, turning to face her.

“Sorry, what’s up?” Yolanda gave him a sad smile.

“I asked if everything was okay.” Rick looked her in the eye. He should just tell her. Just say it, get it over with, rip the bandaid off, quick and painless. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. 

He can’t. 

His eyes popped open to look at Yolanda. Deep down, very very deep down, he knows his friend wouldn’t treat him any differently. But he really couldn’t handle another “You just wait until you’re older and in love, you won’t be saying that.” He felt panic rise in his chest, he couldn’t be here right now.

“I, uh, I have to go,” Rick hopped up and booked it out of the lunch room.

He didn’t stop until he made it to the bathroom. He propped himself up on the sinks, looking at his face in the mirror. He brought his hand up to wipe the tears away that he didn’t realize he had shed.

“This is stupid,” he whispered at his reflection, “It isn’t a big deal! It’s not.” His voice was so small, he hated it. He hated being afraid, he hated feeling like there was something wrong with him. He absolutely HATED feeling like this. 

“Damn it!” He put his face in his hands for a moment, before slamming them into the sink. 

Rick shook his hand, cradling it while he winced. This was not how today was supposed to go. He was supposed to go over to Beth’s and have a fun night full of studying and movies. Instead, he was sitting against the lockers, having his second near panic attack of the day. Trying to decide how he was going to tell Beth that maybe it was best they stop whatever was going on between them.

“Rick?” Rick’s head snapped up as he looked Artemis in the eye. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Beth’s house?” She asked as she sat down next to him, bonking her head back on the lockers.

Rick studied Artemis for a few seconds. He had no idea what to say. She had joined the JSA fairly recently after finding out about her parents and he hadn’t spent much time with her.

“Shouldn’t you be at football practice.” Artemis shrugged.

“Probably, but you looked like you needed someone to talk to.” Rick turned, unsure what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it quickly. After a few times, he surprised himself and her.

“I really do.”

“What’s up?” She moves her body so she’s facing him, sitting crisscross. Rick takes a deep, calming breath. He can do this. It’s not like he’s that close with Artemis anyway.

“I really, really like Beth.” Artemis rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, congrats, you’re the last to know!” She spoke sarcastically. 

“And I realized she might like me too…”

“I fail to see your predicament.” Artemis crosses her arms, giving him a questioning look. Rick groaned in frustration, dragging the palms of his hands down his eyes.

“But I’m broken.” He whispered through his fingers. Artemis’s expression morphed to one of concern.

“What?”

“I’m broken.” Rick tried to find the right words without saying THE word, he didn’t want to admit it aloud ever again. After several long, awful moments of silence, he finally gave up. 

“I’m asexual and I can’t give her what she most definitely wants.” Artemis’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, which made Rick shift uncomfortably. This was too much for him. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, there was no room on this earth for a freak like him, and there was no place in the JSA for a damaged boy.

“Rick,” He felt her hand rest gently on his shoulder, but he refused to look at her face. What if she was disgusted? What if she thought this was a faze? That thought made Rick’s heartbeat skyrocket.

“Beth doesn’t want sex,” Rick looked at the girl through his eye lashes, uncertain of the girl’s words, “She just wants you, trust me. She’s told me.” Rick gave her a skeptical look.

“She told you?”

“Well… not in so many words…”

“So I should totally believe you.”

“Of course! After Beth, I am the smartest, after all.” Rick couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips at that. 

How was this possible? Before this moment, Rick and Artemis have had exactly one interaction outside of JSA training. How was she the one making him feel better about his brokenness.

“And if it makes you feel any better, I’m Demi.” Rick’s ears perked up at that. Maybe he wasn’t as alone as he thought. He turned to her, smiling wide.

“Makes us quite the pair doesn’t it?” She asked, smiling as she threw her arm around his shoulders. Rick laughed, placing his own arm around her’s. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me!” Artemis pulled away, “Just go talk to Beth!”

Rick gave her a nervous look, bringing his hand up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I don’t know if I can…” Artemis rolled her eyes before standing up, reaching a hand down and pulling him up.

“You have to, she deserves to know the truth.” Rick sighed deeply before nodding.

“I guess…” 

“Go! I expect to get a call from Beth later telling me all about how you have told her everything.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going.” Rick made his way to the front doors. 

The walk to Beth’s house was a long one, and about halfway there, Rick turned around and started walking home before he told himself that wasn’t fair to Beth. Beth. Rick closed his eyes for a moment as he thought about the girl. The sweetest girl he’d ever known. If Artemis could be accepting, Beth had to be too, right? 

Wrong. The paranoid part of his brain told him. He stood in place for a moment, breathing deeply. He could do this, he could. He needed to, for his own sake at least. He couldn’t go on living like this. 

Before he knew it he was walking up her steps. He knocked softly and stood back to wait. An agonizing minute later, Beth swung the door open, and when her gaze landed on Rick, her eyes lit up.

“You did come!” She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the home, looping her arm through his, “I was worried you were trying to avoid me!” She looked up at him, a twinkle in her eye that did not help Rick with his nerves. Gingerly he pulled his arm out and away from Beth’s. She turned to face him, a questioning look written across her face.

“I was.” He softly whispered, staring at her feet since he was unable to look at her face. He just knew hurt would be etched in every corner, and he hated that. He had caused that. But after today, he wouldn’t be doing it anymore, since she wouldn’t want anything to do with him after this was all over.

“Why?” The pain oozed into her voice, and Rick stole a glance at her face and felt his heart rip in two. She looked devastated. Which made him devastated because he had done that to her. He quickly looked away, bringing his hands down to fiddle with the zipper on his hoodie.

“Because…” he tried to calm himself by closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths, but it wasn’t working. He opened his eyes and brought them up to meet Beth’s, he immediately felt calmer, and he hated himself for it. He had put too much responsibility on Beth without her even knowing, it wasn’t fair to her.

“Because I really like you, but…” How the hell was he supposed to tell her? How were the words supposed to come out of his mouth for the second time today?

“But I can’t do anything about it because I’m broken and you deserve better.” He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t say it, not again. It was too much for one day. 

“You’re not broken,” Beth brought her hand up to his cheek, gently cupping it, “You’re perfect just the way you are.” Rick squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to cry. 

“And I love you.” Rick snapped his eyes open. He searched for the joke on her face, because he knew, deep down, that that couldn’t be true. He was unlovable. He didn’t deserve to be loved.

He felt himself begin to lean down ever so slowly, as Beth brought her face up to meet him. When he realized what was going on, quickly he turned so Beth brought her lips up to meet his cheek. She pulled back, clearly embarrassed. All Rick wanted to do was comfort her, tell her it was not her, but he didn’t know what to say that would make it better.

“Beth, I just… I can’t do this to you.” Rick gazed down at her face, bringing his hand up to stroke his thumb across her cheek.

“Rick, you’re starting to scare me, what’s wrong?” She clutched his hand, bringing it down to hang between them. Rick stared at their hands, he had to say it, she deserved to know everything.

“Beth, I… I love you but I can’t ever give you what you want.”

“And how do you know what I want?” Beth’s voice had an edge to it that shocked Rick to his core.

“Because you’re normal.” Rick whispered, giving a sad smile.

“Look at me, Rick,” Beth pulled her hands off of his to grab his face, “Look at me!” Beth’s eyes softened when she saw the brokenness in his eyes. Rick finally brought his hands up and held her waist, pulling her close. 

“What does normal even mean?” Beth smiled, lifting herself up on her tiptoes, knocking her forehead against his. Rick closed his eyes and sighed.

“Please talk to me.” Beth begged. Rick opened his eyes, wrapping his arms around her waist, hugging her fiercely. Before he knew what was happening, he felt the tears streaming down his face, soaking the shoulder of Beth’s new sweater. 

“Rick…” Beth held him tightly, moving her arms from his face to his shoulders, “I love you, nothing you can say will ever change that.” Rick pulled back, hands returning to her waist.

“You promise?”

“Of course.” Rick knocked their foreheads together once more.

“I love you.”


End file.
